just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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