He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
