i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
love makes seman taste better
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
