he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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