Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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