so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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