His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
