4 words: hood of his car
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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