Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
