My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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