my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
