my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
