Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
