laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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