its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
