there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
