Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
