Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
