thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
