I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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