ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
