I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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