real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
