Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize