Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
