I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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