i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
