At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
