I just pynch a tree in the face
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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