You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
