the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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