I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
