You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
