I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
