brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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