listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
