Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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