Please, let me fuck your mom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
