I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
