I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
