Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize