the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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