I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
