I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
