I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
