Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
