it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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