I'm lost and stupid without you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
