i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
