your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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