is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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