you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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