We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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