I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
