you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
