its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
