dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
