A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
