so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize