He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
