your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
