how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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