It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
