Heybabeimwearingurpanties
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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