If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
