CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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