The maid of honor just puked.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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