Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
