I'm laying in your front yard are you home
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
