My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
