At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
