great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
